Most of our shipments in those days were calendar shipments. Accordingly, we added shrink wrapping to our set of make-ready services.

We bought a red shrink wrap machine and worked on figuring out how to use it. There were a handful of variables to consider when setting up your shrink wrap machine: 1. weight of the shrink wrap film – that is, the thickness. 2. Width of the shrink wrap film roll. 3. the amount of time the film-cutting arm was adhered to the magnet – that is, the cadence of the machine holding down the L-bar cutting arm against the heated cutting element – a function of the weight of the film. 4. the dwell time in the oven that shrank the shrink wrap – that is, the speed of the conveyor that carried the product through the oven – like a pizza in a pizza oven at Costco. 5. the temperature of the oven.

Considerations: too heavy a film, and it might curl the calendar. Too light a film, and it might tear along the seam when it shrank. Too long a dwell time, and it might scorch the product. Too short a dwell time or too little heat, and you might have a loose wrap around the product. The heating element that cut the film to size would become misshappen over repeated use/heatings, resulting incomplete cuts, holes in the seal. The teflon tape that pushed the film against the heating element would burn through and need to be replaced. The rollers on the conveyor through the oven would burn down over time. oh, entropy, you cruel mistress.

I remember we got a weed-eater when I was in like fourth or fifth grade. I was so excited to use it, and quickly found some South Florida weeds to destroy. For about 5 minutes. And then I was done, never wanting to use the weed-eater again. Unfortunately, somehow, I was expected to weed-eat at a regular cadence. My relationship with the shrink wrap machine followed a similar, swift trajectory from “this is super cool” to “I really don’t want to do this any more.”

So like Tom Sawyer, we recruited friends of Amplifier to come in to help with the shrink wrapping: Chris Fisher, Ricardo Avila, John Scarborough, it’s a long list. Man. Shrink wrapping. SMH.